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what's the use - Brian John Thomas!

About what's the use

Previous Entry what's the use Sep. 7th, 2005 @ 11:49 pm Next Entry
What, it's been about a month? Let's see, here it goes.

I'm not going to lie. These past few months have been good. Real good. I've been running this race and have no intentions of slowing down or looking back. Sometimes everything clicks, and all at the same time. That's what it is friend.

Everything makes sense. My timing has been ungodly. I'm happy. It's the feeling that there just aren't enough hours in the day, sleep keeps getting in the way.

And I know what I want. It's just not that. Why would I want that? Especially now. I just have to find a way to tell them, which I'm not looking forward to. I got myself into this mess and I'll get out of it. It's already half done.

Yeah , you. I know what it can bring. But I also know what come's along with it. Sure, that wasn't normal. Sure most of that was wrong on many levels. But it's there in most of them, to some extent. Bullshit. That's what it is. I don't want that burden anymore. Why would I want that to always be around.

Although once in a while that feeling does creep up and it says, "Brian, you're all wrong" I remind it of everything, and it goes away. Yeah, gone.

Dad went away again today. He hasn't really been "there" for months now though. Although he's degraded ten-fold these past few weeks. I think he "retired" today. I never got that update. It's his lungs, his heart, his eyes. I used to take solace in the fact that he at least he still had his mind. Gone, too. He's a mess, and I think we all kind of know this is the beginning of the end. I can't forsee him going on much longer at this pace.

I guess.
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